sun sign horoscopes astrology


The Archer
22 Nov - 21 Dec
 Gender: Masculine
 Ruling Planet: Jupiter
 Element: Fire
 Gemstone: Topaz
 Lucky Animal: Mudskipper
 Lucky Cheese: Swiss



Negatives: Undiplomatic, laughable, blundering, sloppy, rash, reckless, immature ass-clown

Personality: Truly the long lost king of fools. You are clown shoes! You are a dimwit and are totally careless. You wouldn't know which way a lift was going if you had 2 guesses. However, you do have immense amounts of moss and poison ivy growing from your groin which comes in useful for burning if there is ever a power shortage. As a result, people throw radishes at you and tell you they love you, but behind your back they draw pictures of you naked and call you 'turnip head'.

Career: Perhaps the strangest thing about you is that you will settle for any career which involves climbing onto peoples roof-tops dressed in blue, and squawking like a parrot while pulling out all your hair and setting fire to your genitals. Due to this bizarre nature of yours, perhaps the best job for you would be something legal based like a lawyer or a solicitor as you would fit right in. Other careers which involve similar behaviour are Line Manager, Doctor and Drool Bucket.

Love: You lack genitals. This is a problem which can be easily solved by wearing a gladiator's outfit and dancing around a grassy knoll 3 times while singing Spice Girls songs. Your usual method of attraction involves slapping gloss paint on your thighs and doing the splits while blowing kisses at your potential mate. Try to stop sucking dung lollipops before going out, as this will give your mate the wrong impression and they will think you are trying to sell them computers.

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