sun sign horoscopes astrology


The Scales
23 Sep - 23 Oct
 Gender: Masculine
 Ruling Planet: Venus
 Element: Air
 Gemstone: Sapphire
 Lucky Animal: Chimpanzee
 Lucky Cheese: Brie



Negatives: Unclear, undecided, undetermined, obsessed with luxury, flirty, gullible, unsuspecting sucker

Personality: Libras can often be found in supermarkets rummaging and digging around the grocery section, sniffing out truffles and silkworms with their hyper-sensitive noses. It's mainly due to this reason, why most Libras always have a cold and are always sneezing and coughing up wads of gunpowder and sesame seeds (which are manufactured in their stomachs exclusively for the military). When threatened, you will immediately cover yourself in dog poop, in order to ward of evil omens.

Career: Ever seen a greyhound race? Have you seen those little stuffed rabbits they chase on the track? Well that's no rabbit, its actually a Libran disguised as a rabbit. Greyhounds despise Librans, and will chase one and rip them to shred whenever possible. This is why Librans disguised as rabbits are employed on racetracks and are dragged along by their hair at 50mph while several greyhounds chase them. The rabbit disguise is there to prevent human rights activists from interfering.

Love: You will be extremely content if you find someone who is willing to dress up as a penguin every night and mock the shape and colour of your spleen. This kind of behaviour gives you the horn and sends you in a frenzy of energy, which often results in you phoning up the fire brigade with false emergencies, just so you can hump a fire fighter's leg when they arrive. When you are not doing any community service, your usual 'singles' hangouts are places like zoos.

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