sun sign horoscopes astrology


The Crab
22 Jun - 22 Jul
 Gender: Feminine
 Ruling Planet: Moon
 Element: Water
 Gemstone: Pearl
 Lucky Animal: Squirrel
 Lucky Cheese: Gorgonzola



Negatives: Hyper-sensitive, crabby, over-emotional, easily attached, moody, irritable, sour and sulky

Personality: You have the ability to conduct lightning and generate plasma. This is often useful during emotional arguments where you will whip off your top and shoot sparks and plasma from your nipples at your opponent. Your emotional 'nitroglycerin' type nature however, can get the better of you, as you will realise if you are ever involved in a name-calling match. You tend to hide the extra breast on your forehead with extra layers of foundation, just to stop people from laughing at you.

Career: Due to your electro-conductive properties and your ability to generate high voltages, you can easily get a job as a power backup unit in various places which need them like NHS intensive care units, KFC and chocolate factories. Being able to shoot sparks from your nipples means that you can also be employed in steel mills to help start the fires in the smelting kilns, although beware, these places are usually run by testosterone drenched men who will probably ogle at you.

Love: You find it easy to get a mate, due to your extremely large and pointy chin which also serves as a weapon in case you are ever mauled by a pack of ill tempered chimps armed with sticks. You do not have the ability to produce pheromones, so you steal them from bearded mandrills and paste them on your face and body. This does have its share of bad side effects and can often backfire as, it causes extreme rashes and pictures of mutant hamsters to burn into your retina.

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