Gemini

Personality: Your intellectual, chatty nature means that you love to dress like a chicken and run around the high street, kicking people over and setting fire to anybody wearing the colour blue. If you are ever faced with a challenge, then your immediate reaction is to do the splits and unleash an almighty fart at the same time. This doesn't cure the problem, but makes you glow blue which often confuses humans and mice alike. Geminis often draw pictures of fairies on their butts to attract demons.

Career: Your intellectual nature makes you an excellent candidate for any job related to forensic analysis. Its been recently revealed that New Scotland Yard in London employ Geminis for interrogation purposes. If a suspect claims he is innocent, a Gemini will be called in and the suspect will be asked to drop his pants and do a guff. A Gemini can tell from the smell whether or not he is guilty. A Gemini female can also use this method to tell if a man has been cheating on her.

Love: Your glowing genitals often attract flies, but that's not really a concern when they sometimes attract gnomes and elves who are normally very picky about who they pair-up with. You are extremely attracted to gnomes and can often be found dressed like an elephant seal, hanging around chemists and computer games shops trying to dry hump the legs of the poor local gnomes and elves. Your ideal mate would be a tall-midget, as they are the only people who can tolerate sulphuric acid.