sun sign horoscopes astrology


The Lion
23 Jul - 22 Aug
 Gender: Masculine
 Ruling Planet: Sun
 Element: Fire
 Gemstone: Ruby
 Lucky Animal: Gibbon
 Lucky Cheese: Parmesan



Negatives: Territorial, egotistical, proud, intrusive, meddlesome, narcissistic, imperious and stuck up

Personality: You are a born ruler as you often like to sit around the house while others serve you toasted pixies on a stick with several glasses of lithium wine. You often like to pretend you are a cat when nobody is looking. You make good use of the cat-flap and love to mark your territory around the neighbourhood by rubbing your scent glands against walls and urinating on the lampposts. However, you always manage to run away, before you are chased by police officers armed with shotguns.

Career: Your ruling abilities enable you to excel in skills like painting turnips pretty colours, flower arranging for squid weddings, and causing others to rock backwards and forwards in a wheelchair. An ideal job for you would be something creative yet challenging, such as building robot wenches from old pinball machine parts, a snake charmer or even a make-up artist for maggots, fireflies and worms, before they go on live television. (Yes even they need to look good!)

Love: Getting a mate is not really an issue for you. Its getting one to stay with you for more then 5 minutes that's the problem. Next time you meet someone in a bar, try to avoid ramming your shoes up their nostrils, calling them "Mr Blobby" and running away giggling. This will give them mixed messages and they will think you are trying to sell them drugs. Instead, tattoo a picture of a squirrel on your tummy and flash it at them while firing laser beams from your eyes. It works wonders!

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